Ten Inventions That Failed Miserably
by Gweniveve Skyes
Summary: Memo of Seto Kaiba: Ten KaibaCorp Inventions that failed. You have been warned, this is the only time you'll see Kaiba fail.


**Just a little dash of humor, no offense to fans of 5D's (Card Games on Motorcycles!) and GX.**

From the Desk of Seto Kaiba:

Ten inventions that failed (Not in any particular order)

1.Original duel disks: These worked fantastically, very efficient in design and portability. However, shortly after preliminary testing, we received a cease and desist letter from the makers of "Beyblade", claiming that we stole their product. Since I am in no mood to deal with half-* (edited for children's health) lawyers who couldn't argue their way out of a paper bag, I decided to drop the designs. Besides they looked like yo-yos and we've seen what kids can do with those. The new ones are much cooler anyway, the duel disks, not the yo-yo's.

2. A simulator that actually knew the rules: Designed to work out strategies and other kinks in the holographic systems. This worked well too, until the hard drive exploded from the vast amount of rules, even ones I didn't know about. It was repaired and again, the hard drive exploded. Seems that the computer wasn't designed for the vast amounts of information. And since hard drives are very expensive, this was scrapped. I still think Yami cheats, but according to the stupid computer, he's following the rules. Bloody computer.

3. Holographic projector: These were part of the design of the Duel Disk System Mach 1, in order to project the images without need for the disk to do it itself. However, it require the projectors to be launched from the Duel Disk. Not to be used in large crowds. Too messy and way too many lawsuits pending. Note to self: Incorporate holo-projectors into duel disk.

4. Talking collar: Self explanatory. While great for talking with subordinates, not so with little broth—Mokuba, I'm busy! Can't this wait? No? Jeez, go bug Roland,-Wait, what was I saying? * it.

5. Bullet proof Briefcase: Again, self explanatory. Does what it was designed for, but make sure there isn't anything valuable inside of it, like the original duel disk system. Plus, very heavy and unwieldy, making climbing up cliff faces that much more difficult.

Lair in Duelist Island: While the concept is handy and convenient, having the secret lair on the island of the guy that wants to kill you and take over your company...Yeah...Also, avoid creepy avatars when hacking into systems.

7. Gravity defying Trenchcoat: Sorry fangirls, but this doesn't work. We've tried to make a gravoty defying trenchcoat, but the device to make it so is quite heavy and expensive. Plus, why would I drag it around with me just to look BA? I already look the part. The secret? Lots of corn starch and the local cleaners on speed-dial.

8. Virtual Reality: Another good idea, potential profits, but if I didn't have to deal with adopted younger siblings and ex-exuctives trying to kill me by turning my own invention against me, then yes I would market it. And I'm not in the mood for Moto, the mutt and the mutt's girlfriend to come along, under the delusion that I need to be "rescued". Do I look like I need rescuing? I'm Seto Freaking Kaiba for goodness sakes—Oh now what Mokuba? What have I told you about buzzing me on the talking collar? I said I was busy! Note to self: Disable talking collar ASAP.

9. School for teaching Duel Monsters: Really? Really now? How the heck did this idea get past the drawing board? A school for teaching children card games; what parent would send their child off to do such a thing? What money could they get from it? I mean look at Yugi Moto, and all of his prize money, endorsements, tournament wins and...and...

EDIT: Idea has since been reconsidered.

10. Card games on motorcycles: Alright, who decided to prank me with this one? Card games on motorcycles? Which engineer was smoking a joint when they designed this? And how are the customers supposed to play the * game on the frickin' bike? Use a clothespin! Or some duct tape? Do you think I some moron? This idea is NEVER going to work! EVER.-Oh, now what Mokuba? What? Yugi wants to duel? Sure, I'll be down in a few.

Sincerely,

Seto Kaiba


End file.
